Happy Samhain, kittens: A guide for each star sign for the Scorpio season

classic 1970's ouija photo from unknown source

It's Scorpio thyme and you're all Persephones on a journey through the Underworld. Sex, death, rebirth, and hypnosis are all words we use to describe Scorpio because they are all transitional states that describe the sense of suspended animation between one phase of our lives and another. This is the perfect season for personal metamorphosis. Your chrysalis will give way to a new you in the coming month. You will require protection in other ways as well. (Directions for amulet making to follow in next post xoxo) 

In this frozen time, you'll find yourself moving through places inside that have a lot more in common with wild animals than well-behaved adults. It's ok to be clingy, jealous, rude, aggressive--but it's better to realize when we need to transform (another Scorpio word) those feelings and heal them so we're no longer bound and gagged by them. Pluto, the ruler of Scorpio, is making a sextile to Mercury and a Square to Venus and it sounds like the messages you're receiving right now will be eye-opening opportunities to explore the limits and problems in a very important relationship in your life. Things that come to an end as we approach the full moon on Nov. 4 will seem to drag out forever, but wait for the phoenix to reveal that this death is only temporary. Whatever emerges from this period in one piece will come out galvanized in fire and protected for years to come. You can trust the truth that comes up now: it's real. Find your sign below to see your guidance for Scorpio season. 

Aries: Scorpio is your primeval adversary. Expect war tactics and battle stances from otherwise normal people as they sense something “foreign” in you and REJECT it. This will be no problem for you. You’ll flick them haters off like the losers they are. People are sensing your power—the kind you don’t even know in yourself, so don’t be ashamed even though everyone is trying to make you feel that way. You might not see your shadow as clearly as everyone else can right now. If single, you are going to meet a sexual playmate that you can’t totally handle. Orrrr realize first hand that maybe death is really the compassion of nature for creatures who are struggling. Whoever moves you to explore your secrets is also your ticket to mind blowing sex—seek union.

Taurus: Um honeyyyy… Scorpio is bae. Your earthy nature is balanced by this wet (usually literally) psychic deep diver. You will discover someone who shows you the other part of yourself, warts and all. This may be a partner you know already or a long time enemy that you'll suddenly understand even though you’d rather you didn’t have to. Do not feel afraid. They know your number for sure, dear Taurus. But you own their soul and they owe whatever power they have to your attention.

Gemini: You’re going to realize a renewed interest in self-modification. You may moult a few routines and swear off (or on, whatever—no judgment) a few substances. I sense the diets and fitness regimen you cling to will suddenly cause an OCD typea reaction as you work through the dark shit and learn how to deal with your habits in a new, more manageable way. You’ll be psycho effective at work—able to catch the tiniest details and read body language in meetings like a mother fucker. Strangely for you, you’ll find yourself caught up on laundry but tbh, it’s prob cuz of all the banging you’ll be up to, so…

Cancer: Well, we come to you, babydoll. Not much of a surprise but Scorpio is like your little bb and this is YOUR TIME––let the tears and sex fall as they may. You’ll be driven to smoke, drink, and fuck, but not like usual. This will be all for the fun of it—no consequences and no holds barred. I challenge you to make meaningless goals that make you smile into your everyday reality and use this immense energy to buoy up your oft sunken soul. You’ll wanna be introspective but like, while giving a hand job. Don’t plan china patterns and don’t feel bad—this month is Johnson’s No More TearsTM.

Leo: Leo Leo Leo. You are feeling crazy hidey rn. You don’t feel exactly like yourself right now. You need to cozy up and embrace your deep dark self. The side that no one knows but is always there waiting to hug us—the one that makes eye contact and just says, “I know.” Your maternal vibe is strong—it’s a little scary, but don’t worry because we love it... keep it coming. Cozy up with a good book and touch yourself in the bathtub. Whatever floats your boat is going to be loner-shit, eating, drinking, and being in water. It’s cold out though so be responsible, okay? Phone a friend if the questions that come up are too hard to answer by yourself. 

Virgo: Girl get plugged in. This Scorpio season you need to be able to field all the messages you can because there’s gonna be a lot of cool news for you, and people will be like “where weeeere youuuu?” if you leave your phone on silent for like 10 minutes. Take a short trip somewhere fun, call friends that feel like sisters (or actually, your sister) and talk way late in the night about sex and the devil and whatever makes you feel afraid. Do not be surprised if deep shit comes up in a light, playful setting. Also, this might be obvious…sexting will be lit rn so get on Tinder (I’m talking to you, Kathleen).

Libra: Darling, you look beautiful, as always. The only problem is, you’re not so sure you are. This time will bring a crisis of self-esteem that you expel by the skin of your teeth and it cleanses you for the better finally, once and for all. Even though this might bring up serious issues with self-worth that stem not only from your job but also from what it affords you, please know the money is coming, even if right now it feels like there is a serious block to receiving appreciation and compliments (basically your fav currency). You are on your way to a windfall but you might have to make a pay-in first and wait for the dividends. You will be happiest doing what you always do. Routine is good right now and the things tend to do will take a serious

Scorpio: Ah, yes it’s you: the guest of honor. Scorpio darling, no one emerges from their coffin around this time quite as sexily as you do. Your skin will be lit from within and your eyes an eerily lighter shade as you start to get in the thicket of this season. Think Black Swan when she starts to grow scales and feathers. You’ll feel a deeper self emerging into the light right now and your personality is shining and magnetic. I predict a complete physical regeneration in the next month—you will def be shedding skin. Something about this time will forever trigger an intense issue with your body and what it can and cannot do, sexually or otherwise. Your strength and beauty will be on display as whatever internal issues going on inside you seem highly visible to all your friends and there seems nowhere to hide who you are anymore (your worst nightmare, but lez be honest…your secret dream). 

Sagittarius: Oh God. I’m so sorry, Sag. This time is peaceful, but only if the little closet inside your brain is clean af and filled with good-natured sweetness. I promise what comes up right now is going to make you feel like you’re in a Murakami novel. And there’s absolutely no other way to put it. Whatever seems very solid and real in your life is about to reveal a trap door that takes you to a v v secret place inside yourself. Holograms of exes and future lovers will haunt you and pay their respects to your soul in your dreams. I know this sounds totally crazy, but you are about to give birth to an idea that emerges from the primordial soup that we all came from. Not yet not yet not yet. 

Capricorn: Darling Cap. The end of the world is near for a dream you’ve long pursued. Expect to have everyone who needs to be there surrounding you as something crazy comes together at a moment’s notice. If you work with a small group of people, there is a small but real possibility of you defecting right now and starting your own “cult” if you will. Your influence over the masses right now is insane. Pinky promise me you’ll lead the exodus out of a power struggle you’ve been warring against for time immemorial? Good. You’re thinking about your brother at this new full moon.

Aquarius: Bitch, you’ve got this. You are finally at the top of your game and EVERYONE CAN TELL. This period will have you focusing on how your career trajectory needs to shift in order to change your life. You’ll have an answer but I don’t doubt that the answer is only a seed of something far greater or more real that will appear and take root later on. Lemme know if you need any promo because right now people are gonna be rapping at your door trying to get you to do “the thing” and you’re not going to have any time to advertise your services. The way is illuminated for this brief time through this dark thicket and you’ll find yourself at a whole new crossroads that requires eating your old baggage for breakfast and shitting out success like it’s… your job.

Pisces: You’re in recovery. Don’t ask me how I know. Your attitude is going to be gung-ho and positive even though it’s in reaction to a sad sort of state of affairs—a death of sorts, an ending in yourself that you are finally processing. There are a lot of ways we process these things. My fav (as a sagittarius who OWNS the 9th house) is taking a long as trip, listening to books on tape (life is moving too fast to sit down and readddd), and taking an adventure where you’re suddenly appearing as the hero (brb, being a vagabond for a sec). The forces you’re fighting appear to be depression and insularity. Guess what, I read the end first. You come out victorious and everybody loves you.