Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Cancer: Hard to Heal, Hard to Feel

Daydreaming
Artwork by Quentin Deronzier

You’re feeling it in your gut. Something is definitely weird, but you don’t know why. It’s moving around in there deeply, like eels coming out of their caves underwater. You are ready to process some old family dynamics that maybe you’ve left buried by reflecting on your closest relationships—love that’s been lost or rescinded.

With Capricorn and heavy Saturn/Pluto involvement, issues of loneliness may come up at this time because you are doing the work of the lordt. Funny thing, this time necessitates a little pain and distance to get closer to yourself and the heart of your heart. You’re engaging more but feeling less connected as you do the hard work of loving someone, against the grain. True love isn’t always romantic love and you’re turning over every stone for how it has touched your life, even if you end up feeling largely nostalgic. Alone and in love could have been this title. There’s a chasm between what the heart wants and what it allows itself to receive for the next two week.

Sometimes your spidey senses tell you that you’ve been here before but in a different way and everything feels like a lesson. This lunar eclipse is showing you that you need to accept the part you’ve played in an ancient dynamic, before it repeats itself. This doesn’t mean accepting blame: it’s about acknowledging the ways you’ve abandoned yourself in order to maintain your comfort or keep yourself from being hurt. You can love more freely when you don’t care about the consequences. You might undergo a temporary numbness before the waves of grief and nostalgia pour through you to set it right.

You’re learning that, to your delight, you are more than you thought you were, but you are also facing some major growing pains as you accept that your past version of yourself no longer applies the way it used to. With Saturn and Pluto on this lunar eclipse, we see some major, final endings and high tension that will usher in the new year/new me season with fanfare. You’re changing. But that doesn’t mean you won’t feel sick or scared or sad in the process. I’ve been seeing a lot of crows. It’s time to enter the liminal space and admit that we’re in transition.


You realize now how similar some people in your life are to those in your past and it’s both alarming and exciting, because you have the opportunity to change the dynamic and set yourself free from toxic history. This transit may not even seem that heavy, but a month from now, you’ll notice how different things look in the rearview. It’s as if you can only see 2 steps ahead but with every glance backward, the terrain is illuminated. You are literally building a mystery (forgive me lol).

Pull a New Year reading on yourself. Make it 36 cards, 3 for each month. Call it in. Don’t be afraid what comes up because it’s all beautiful and it’s all worth the wait.

xoxo,

Hayley

Read: The Crying Book - Heather Christle
Listen: “Lived in Bars” - Cat Power, “The Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands” - Sufjan Stevens
Watch: Rumblefish, dir. Francis Ford Coppola